On winter Solstice 2013 sitting in ceremony, I received a vision. It wasn't so much a vision, actually, as it was a Full Body transmission received inside every cell of my Being.
What I experienced was Reality as relentless WAVE, screaming with pure power. It was simultaneously creating and destroying everything, churning and throbbing with unbearable intensity. Contained inside this Wave was every aspect of existence. Every. Single. Aspect. Everything was held inside this great Wave without separation or distinction. It all pulsed as One Fundamental Essence.
The ferocious totality of this ONE, this ALL, shattered my notions of reality. It was beyond light and dark, beyond good and evil. I sat, mouth agape, shivering in both ecstasy and terror, as I was stretched open wider and wider to receive the abundant fullness of this fundamental Truth.
I had the distinct, full body knowing that this WAVE had no morality. It did not value peace over chaos or pleasure over pain. It was not evolving into a better version of itself. It did not reward or punish. It did not play fair. It did not make sense or make meaning. It was simply, innocently, breathtakingly complete. It was without pretense. Its crazy wisdom required no justification. It was simply doing exactly what it does, relentlessly, perfectly, forever.
There was an undeniable, overarching Presence inside this wave. A presence that reached through and beyond the sum of its parts as it simultaneously exploded out of each individual aspect. It is a presence which no word or language could accurately express, but the closest I can discern is LOVE.
I was completely awe struck with how mind-bendingly TOTAL this Love was. Nothing was left out. Everything was included. Every beauty and horror, every joy and devastation, every saint and perpetrator, every mundane and sublime aspect of existence was embraced with utter totality. Nothing had more value than anything else. Love was screaming and birthing everything into existence. Love was slaying and burning everything to death. This Love was a Yes that has no No.
The fullness was so total and complete, that it rang with clear emptiness. The scream was so loud, it was silence.
I was fascinated with the emotional texture of this Love. It was nothing like what I had known love to be. This Love was brutal in its wild relentlessness and yet filled with profound tenderness. It was harsh and destructive yet as innocent and natural as a blooming flower. It was completely indifferent to the impact of its constant churning, and yet simultaneously full of so much gentle grace. It was holding and embracing everything with deep, exquisite intimacy yet it had no sentimentality. It was a potency I had never tasted before. Wild, brutal, innocent and tender. It was as if it was saying: I love you, and this is really going to hurt.
For the first time I finally understood, deep in my bones what is meant by groundlessness.
Reality is a constant churning of impermanence, being born and dying, creating and destroying. As much as we may try to find security and comfort or cling to illusions of control, the basic truth is that there is no stable ground under our feet. Reality does not submit to our attempts to pin her down or deny certain aspects. She simply is churning perfectly, and we cannot escape or slow down the fundamental instability of existing inside her wild Totality.
With this transmission inscribed inside my soul, I committed to spend the rest of my life in apprenticeship this Truth. This Non-Dual Love at the heart of reality. This Yes that has no No. This wild, brutal, innocent and tender Wave of existence.
Tantra is essentially the practice of fully facing the reality of groundlessness, which means facing many harsh truths. Only as the heart breaks open to these harsh truths can the Heart can fully open to the Totality of Reality as it is, to the All inside of ones Self and inside the overwhelming intensity of this groundless wave of existence. Intimacy with the Perfection and Fullness of every beauty and horror stretches us open to that untamed LOVE, that relentless churning, that is forever saying YES.
The drop is in the ocean and the ocean is inside the drop. Just as fractals reach their tendrils into infinity, so are we as individual human beings, fractals of the Whole. We are inside of this wild, groundless Wave yet the totality of the wave also lives inside the cosmology of our own Being.
At some point I began to wonder: If Reality is a perfect expression of wholeness, if all is the singular pulsation of the ONE fundamental essence, knowing itself through a kaleidoscope of forms, if Love is holding everything perfectly, then what is a Wound inside of this cosmology? What is there to Heal?
In this wild, groundless existence, nothing can be eliminated. The All exists here, now and always. There is no escaping it. There is no gaining control over it. We exist in Totality.
Perhaps, then, what we experience as wounding is actually a place where we are resisting reality, as it is.
We resist and reject what we find unfavorable. And yet the Fullness of Love, the Totality of Reality includes even that which we find unfavorable. It is already part of the perfect, wild, untamed wholeness and completion of who we are, and indeed of the All that Is.
When we attempt to change and transform ourselves or eliminate our own wounding, often what we are doing is switching from one side of a polarity to another. The law of duality is that both sides of a polarity cannot exist without each other. They in fact exist inside of each other. Shame lives in Pride. Sorrow lives in Joy. Weakness lives in Strength. Both sides are here, always, in the totality of Reality as it is. Despite our dualistic preferences, we cannot escape the other side.
All we can do is shift our relationship to what we find unfavorable. We can turn towards the wound, the unfavorable side of the polarity, with not only radical acceptance, but with an embodied embrace, letting its presence be known inside our own skin.
In this deep embodied acceptance, we taste the radiant core of pure consciousness, the ONE true presence that lives in everything, innocently pulsing, saying ‘YES, this too is Holy.’ When we embrace the reality of these wounds and disavowed aspects and accept them as part of the Totality that we are, we discover how deep love actually goes. There is actually nothing Love does not touch, nothing it leaves out.
The realization of our perfect nature comes not through purification, through fixing, eliminating, or transforming ourselves but through the full embodiment and open hearted embrace of all of our messy imperfections.
This is what is known as Practicing the Wound.
Practicing the wound goes beyond attempting to fix and transform it. It goes beyond passive acceptance. Practicing the wound is diving down inside of it, projecting your whole self there.
Not as a Victim. Not as a Rescuer.
As a Lover.
You become intimate the wound
You let it in
You enter into Union with it
You become it fully
You embody it, imitate it, sing it and dance it
You let it dance its dance Through You
You give up trying to control the direction of its flow
You give up trying to make it go away
You give up being a victim to its existence
You give up trying to transform it
You surrender to the fact of this wound
You fill it with your own consciousness
You open your heart to it, fully and completely
You seek to know it deeply, on its Own Terms- for its Own Sake
You bring it as close to your body and heart as if you were making love to your Beloved
You let it come alive
You make it as present as the spit in your own mouth
You hold it deep inside
You meet it with curiosity and presence
Without needing it to change
Without needing it to stay the same
You climb inside its skin
You dilate and stretch open, making a home inside
You open your eyes while you are inside its skin
And see Reality as it sees Reality
You allow yourself be surprised at what you see
You let it show YOU its POWER and BEAUTY
You caress this Beloved and let it caress you back
You sink your teeth into it like the most delicious meal
Without pushing or pulling
Without grasping or resisting
And then, with practice
The wound reveals itself to simply be
Into the Totality of Reality
It is revealed to be a part of the WHOLE
It always was, from the beginning
And always will be
It is wholly inseparable from the Whole
You dive into this portal
This piercing in your own armor of resistance
Down, down, down
Until you realize
What is inside
Is innocent and perfect
Exactly as it is
It has a core of profound Stillness
Radiating with Peace
And then it just
Pure, radiant, perfect consciousness
It is already filled with Love
It is the ONE essence knowing itself in this unique expression
It is inseparable from Truth
It is inseparable from the whole
It is as a shining gift full of secrets
You could never imagine
It is here to teach you
How to remember
To simply be
With the wholeness that you really are
To know this wholeness is
The deepest Truth
To know this Truth is
Love on the Tantric path is relentless. It is brutal in its kindness, leaving nothing out. It will not be tamed by our dualistic preferences. Every inner demon and awkward inferior, every hatred and rage is held in the great heart of the Self and rocked in the booming ocean of deathless Love. It is the One True Taste. Forget everything you think you know of Love from the White Light Cult of New Age Spirituality. Tantric Love is the Love of the deep black groundless Void that swallows all distinctions and reveals everything to be the ONE primordial essence. It is the deep Red Love of sweet, fragrant Roses lined with piercing thorns, and the Red of Blood shed in death and childbirth. It is the wild Love of Kali, who destroys suffering by wearing the naked bones of skulls, rattling the love song of the brutal and beautiful truth underneath all surface appearances: That nothing can escape the mind bending Totality of Love.
Practicing the Wound is like making the wound, our own resistance to reality as it is, our Tantric Consort. In consort practice we engage in relating with our Beloved for the purpose of spiritual awakening. We open our hearts so profoundly to another human being that we enter a state of surrender and union where we actually feel reality as they experience it.
This other human being comes to represent the Totality of existence, the entire phenomenological world. This includes all of our dualistic preferences, but it also includes the other side of the polarity, everything we cannot control and all that we resist. It is easy to open our hearts to the aspects in someone we find favorable and attractive, it is easy to accept someone when we are sharing the same view of reality.
But what about the aspects that are ugly or that we have deemed wrong? Their frustrating behaviors? Their perceptions of reality that clash with our own?
When we open our heart and our body to a Consort, we are engaging in a practice of dissolving our limited perception of reality. We are surrendering to the fact of groundlessness. We are seeing reality through someone else eyes and coming to know that reality as deeply, profoundly beautiful and sacred.
This experience of deeply meeting the OTHER who is outside of us burns our egoic boundaries and preferences, incinerating them with the flames of compassion. It files down our rigid assumptions of who we think we are and what is worthy of being Loved. It opens us to see the sacredness in all dimensions of reality. It shows us how deep love goes.
Taking this consort attitude to our wounds, our shadows, our disavowed parts, has the same effect. We begin to stretch open to taste our own Totality, to know the many different realities that are all part of the whole. We begin to allow ourselves to be undefended and vulnerable against the multiplicity of forms dancing inside the self. We begin to taste the purity and naturalness of all of the wild faces of existence.
To practice the wound, we become intimate with its reality. We soften our defense against reality as it is, and welcome home all of what has been disavowed. We surrender to the hopelessness of ever gaining any illusion of control over the groundlessness of existence. We surrender to the fact that Love cannot be tamed, that nothing can be eliminated from the Totality of reality. We begin to embrace the fullness of what we are and what the reality of Love is. We become naked and transparent before the intensity and beauty that is this wild, brutal, tender, innocent existence.